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A Revolutionary (Food Safe and possibly Organic) Bug Spray

When I was a mere lad, I was helping my Aunt and Uncle clear the poison ivy vines out of the woods near their house on Cape Cod on the east coast of the US. As I was not allergic to poison ivy, it was my job to hack through the vines and then yank them out of the trees. Of course, one of these vines happened to be attached to a great big wasp nest. This duly came crashing down next to me. As the wasps were a bit miffed at their stately Cape Cod residence being seemingly willfully and maliciously destroyed, they went looking for their assailant - and they found me. Of course, my scrawny legs were doing me proud and were propelling the rest of me through the woods at break-neck speed, but the wasps, being less impeded by the trees and by gravity, were a lot faster. And boy, did they get their revenge. Since then I have been quite allergic to wasp stings. I get these huge welts when they slip through my defenses, and my wife Daria has made a habit of carrying medication in her purse.

At my family's home in Ireland we manage to chase all but the most tenacious yellow jackets away by shouting "green bush". You see, wasps are really kind of clever. They know you are only going to shout “green bush” if you really are a green bush. Who else would do a silly thing like that? So when they hear the words “green bush” they usually fly away looking for another victim. We have found this to work in other English speaking countries as well – even the USA. We tried this in Germany, while visiting our grandmother, but the wasps didn’t get it. So she taught us to sit and wait patiently when having a meal outside until a wasp landed on our plate.  Then it was "off with their head" using our lunch knife. A bit brutal and unsanitary, but very satisfying and still better than spraying poison all over the lunch table!

In the intervening years, I have been looking for better and more savory methods of combating these little F$^%@*&. One fine Sunday my wife and I were having lunch outside when the enemy appeared. I had my knife at the ready, but I think the little buggers got wise, none would settle on my plate. So I grabbed the first thing I saw - a new bottle of soy sauce with an atomizer top that Daria had just brought home. I aimed and squoze off a good clean shot, and the little s*&%$ dropped down onto the table - stone dead!

This was so amazing, that I had to pass the word on: a revolutionary new and 'food safe' bug spray. Heaven knows why it works, but it sure is cool. You give the little critters a deadly squirt and if some of the sauce lands on your lunch - "no problem mon". I'll leave the science of the matter to the scientists (otherwise known as bug-hunters), and contend myself in knowing, that I am now armed and not dangerous to myself and my fellow stinger victims.

Further Reading

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